My struggle within

There are somethings in life that you know you shouldn't do but do it anyway. I know that I'm not alone in this. Like the smoking thing and the eating things I shouldn't be eating. You do it anyway. Why? I plan to get to the bottom of why I do some of the things I do and don't do. I know why I don't exercise as much as I should. I'm too tired and I'm afraid that if I push myself too hard I'll fall into a relapse. It sometimes feels that I'm the only one that knows what it feels like to be afraid that one day I might wake up and not be able to walk. With exercising what doesn't work for me is treadmills and that sort of thing. What I found that works well is swimming. Unfortunately I haven't been able to find someplace that I can afford. I'll keep looking for something that works.